Liv's Big Decision

In case I have never communicated this before, my daughter is an amazing child. I cannot get over this stage of rapid emotional and mental growth she is experiencing.

Olivia has always been a very "intuitive" child. In first grade, she developed a way of speaking to me. She used to intentionally ask if we could "go out to dinner." It was different from the random question of "Mom, can we please get pizza tonight?" She somehow learned that if we went out to dinner, she would have my undivided attention. She did not always have that after I got out of work and tried to take care of her in the evenings. It took a couple of times before I realized what she was doing. I began to leave a $20 in my glovebox because I never knew when she would ask. I learned to read what she was REALLY asking - for my time.

I do not have a car. I don't have a way to take her out to dinner. I am also not working anymore, so she has my undivided attention at home when she wants it. She has been thinking for some time about how to ask me a question she has had on her heart.

Today, we went to work at the church. Liv danced around with her iPod while performing the tasks I gave her. Then she stood and talked to me while I did my photocopying. She said "Mommy, I really like coming here. It feels so safe here." I said "Well, it is." We talked a lot about how she is trying so hard to pray and honor God with her behavior. I told her it is showing.

Then, because she felt safe and like she had my attention, she began to talk.

She told me she has been thinking about changing her last name for a little while now. Right now, she has my last name. Since the time she realized she did not have the same last name as her Dad, I have mentioned a handful of times it would be Ok with me if she wanted her Dad's last name too. If we hyphenated her last name, it sounds better if my last name goes before her fathers.

She told me that she will be "double digits" soon. Her tenth birthday is in January. She told me that she loves her Dad and she loves me. She wants to have both of our last names and asked if that would be Ok with me. Taken aback at the timing, I tried quickly to say "Yes." Then, to make me laugh and lighten the moment, she said "And, IF I ever get married, I will have three last names." She said my last name, her father's last name and the last name of a boy she has liked since pre-school. I laughed so hard I almost began to cry as I gave her a big hug. Then, I told Liv I would prefer if she married his older brother.

Her father and her paternal grandfather both have birthdays during the first week of December. We decided that I will try to get all the paperwork done in time for both of their birthdays so that she can give them that as their present. I just hope I can do it without her Dad's permission somehow since his name is on her birth certificate. If not, then we will give him the paperwork to sign as his birthday present.

She has another reason why she chose to do this now. Until recently, she has been the only grandchild on both sides. My brother and his wife had a son in February. She does not think my parents will be hurt if she changes her name since her cousin has their last name and always will.

I let Liv set up her sleep over tent in the living room for a movie marathon when we got home. I am going to spend the afternoon researching how to do this for Olivia and for her father.

Her Dad's last name will be her predominate last name. People could forget to add mine before it with the hyphen. A year ago, I would have thought "Oh great, now people will think her stepmother is her Mom since they share the same last name. She already has boundary issues." Obviously it did come to my mind, but somehow I don't mind that much.

Nothing can take away the way Liv came to me to ask my permission and my blessing. Nothing can take away the tremendous respect she showed me. Nothing can take away the confidence she showed in the way she approached it. Nothing can take away the consideration she showed to everyone's feelings.

And, part of that came from me. I think I did a good job. :-)