Ten Years Later...

Today is the ten year anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the United States. There is so much I could write.  But, instead, I want to share the journal entry I wrote to Olivia while I was pregnant with her.    

September 11, 2001

          When I found out I was pregnant with you, my worldview was entirely different than what it is right now.  Though I have yet to accomplish any great feat in my life, besides carry you, there was a scheme and order to my life that I have always taken for granted.  About eleven hours ago, all of that changed.  The world I wake up in tomorrow will have been irreversibly changed.  The world I believed I was bringing you into changed as of 9:00 AM this morning – and it will only continue to change in the coming days. I wish I could say that I was giving you a better world, but I do not know if that is the case.

          The events of the past eleven hours will affect me in my remaining life time, but your generation will be the one to truly live with its legacy.  Your political and economic world may prove to be hinged on the after effects of this one day.  I pray that by the time you read this when you are an adult that there will be answers and justice for the events of today.  I pray that you live in a more peaceful society.  I pray that you live your life with honor and courage – no matter what is handed to you. I pray that it will be your generation to bring peace to this world for your children.

          Today, on your Uncle Eric's 20^th birthday, terrorist factions laid America under siege.  There are many days in a person's life that never leave them.  My father remembers the day President Kennedy was assassinated quite vividly.  I remember the commencement of the Gulf War and the Oklahoma City bombing.  Now this day is stamped into my mind. 

          I was at school today teaching.  It began as a challenging day.  I had a student who chose to mutilate himself, and I had to file an official report.  I had other students who were off the walls during Social Studies class.  I sent one of those students to the office for her poor behavior. 

          About halfway through that class, that same student came back into class with a note.  We plugged in the TV and on the screen were the first reports of the plane crashes into the World Trade Center in New York City.  The Pentagon in DC was also targeted and hit.  Two commercial flights to LA left Boston this morning and were hijacked to New York City, where the plans were intentionally crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center.  A plan leaving from Dulles Airport in DC was hijacked and flown into the Pentagon.  The Pentagon is the site for all the military intelligence and strategic planning.  It is where all of the top military decisions are made in this country.  A later plane crashed into the ground near Pittsburgh, PA, but it is speculated that its target could have been Camp David – the presidential vacation home.  A large white plane was seen circling the White House, but no attack has been launched yet – hopefully none will be.  A car bomb later exploded near the State Building in Washington DC. 

          As I watched these events unfold, I was devastated.  This is the largest, deadliest, most well orchestrated terrorist attack ever perpetuated on US Soil.  How could this have happened?  The loss of life is going to be catastrophic.  There is no way to even assess a death toll yet. 

          I watched as both World Trade Center towers collapsed due to the damage to their infrastructure, not to mention the raging fires within.  The flight from Boston to LA is a long one – the plane was full of fuel that created a deadlier explosion than a regular bomb, barring nukes, could create. 

          The flights were from United Airlines and American Airlines – two of the biggest airlines in the country.  Maybe the names of the airlines are symbolic.  We are the United States of America, and this was an attack on our very way of life.     

          I saw the fires raging in the Pentagon and I saw people plummeting to their death from the towers on TV.  They chose to jump rather than be incinerated alive in the buildings.  The utter chaos and hysteria were evident from every camera shot.  Many of the rescue workers – police, firefighters, EMT – have been killed in the line of duty. 

          The Towers were a center of world commerce and between the two buildings, employed close to 50,000 people.  These terrorists attacked our spirit of capitalism, our ability to keep a strong military and our desire for peace in the world.  If the speculation proves true, Camp David was not only a presidential vacation home, but was also the site of the Camp David accords.  These were an attempt at peace between the Arabs and the Israelis.  A third World Trade Center building collapsed as well, but, it had long been evacuated, so there was no loss of life. 

          Tonight, President Bush said we would launch attacks on Afghanistan and its Taliban government.  This is the home of Osama Bin Laden, an international terrorist who has millions of dollars at his disposal.  Afghanistan denies any involvement but I think they are involved.  Terrorism cannot be tolerated.  We need to act swiftly and harshly. 

          We were debilitated today.  Never before were all flights grounded.  Communication was scanty at times.  These terrorists tried to drive a wedge into our society.  All international borders have been closed.  Though most Arabs are not wacko, the fear of them is palpable.  The grief and sadness is everywhere you look – and it can be kind of overwhelming. 

          All of my life, I have pledged allegiance to our flag. Part of that is to uphold our standard of liberty and justice for all.  But, I want retribution for those behind these horrific events.  Our freedoms – of speech, press, religion, etc – all of these only extend to where someone else's freedoms begin.  We value our freedoms and opportunities, but today proved we cannot only take it for granted, but it can also be swiftly taken away from us. 

          These terrorists do not value life.  They value a cause.  They are doing this for “Allah.”  Allah is the name they call God.  They believe theirs is the one true religion and all others must be eradicated.  Their Holy Lands are also the Holy Lands for Christianity and Judaism.  Israel controls the Holy Lands and we support them.  These fanatical Arabs believe they are fighting a holy war and when they fly kamikaze style into an American building, killing thousands, it is believed they died with honor and valor.  This mindset is not open to reason and negotiation. 

          I only claim scanty knowledge of the factions in the Middle East.  I do not even think I remember everything that happened today.  I do not have a firm grasp on the meaning or reasons behind all of this.  I do not know the implications of what happened today, or what the implications will be tomorrow or down the road.

          What I do know is that today forever changed the world I am bringing you into.  Long after the rubble is cleared and the deceased laid to rest, there will be a huge wound in the heart of America.  The leaders that will shape your world will hearken back to this day.  What lessons we learn, what new practices we employ, I have no idea.  But the effects of today will be far reaching. 

          Your heart was beating during all of this.  But, you did not move at all today.  I wonder if you felt all of the anxiety and mourning.  I wish I was bringing you into a better and safer world.  But, sometimes, people fight wars not to perpetuate future wars, but to ensure that the future is peaceful.  Maybe whatever is done as a result of today will finally “get it right.”  Maybe you will see world peace in your lifetime.  I know it will not be in mine. 

On this ten year anniversary of this travesty, I look not with despair on what happened but with hope.  I look at the stories of grace and courage. 

I also look at my child.  She is almost ten years old.  She is becoming her own little person with ideas about how the world should be and her place in it.  I don’t put my hand on my stomach as I did ten years ago and wonder who my child will become.  I am watching her unfold before my very eyes. 

And my prayers stay the same for her and her generation today.  I pray that the world she will help to shape will be more peaceful – even if it is just our little world here.  Sometimes the greatest changes start with what seem the smallest actions.  I pray that she will live her life with faith, with honor and with courage.  I pray that no matter what she does with her life, she will make a difference in some way, for someone. 

I no longer mourn the world that was given to her.  I want to watch and see what she does with it.